The following was the start to a entry from over a year ago. I was hurt and in a challenging place at the time. It is random ponderings about friendships. Some questions have been answered and others remain to be answered. Yet I feel it will be a lifelong journey to discover the answers I seek.
What is a friend and what is friendship? I have asked myself this question many times recently. I realize we have friends and that friends come and go. We may move on for a time and then that friendship returns, like the change of the seasons, it comes back around. Still others I believe are meant to be in our life for a short time for various reasons. It puzzles me what to do when I sense I am to move on. How do I approach making new friends and how much time and how close will I allow myself to be? How does one kindly move on without hurting the other person in the process? And when I do make new friends how close do I get knowing this process will repeat itself again?
I'll admit I've been hurt deeply in the past by various friendships. Some of my friends have died and others are in a different place in life. I'm initially reserved at the start of a friendship. It has taken me a long time to realize that I can trust and be trusted in return.
I have asked myself many questions regarding friends. How many friends are too many? I want quality not quantity. There are times when a friendship is important to me but doesn't seem to be to the other person and then times when it is vice versa. "Never make someone your priority when you are just their option." This quote was given to me by a friend and has helped me in making decisions about friends.
For me a friend is someone to share life with. Someone who loves unconditionally. Someone who you have a special connection with, so much so that it can't be described in words. Someone to laugh, cry, and share the good/hard moments in life with. Someone who will be there no matter what happens, they have your back so to speak. Someone who has patience and understanding.
The dictionary.com definition of friend is:
friend (frěnd)
n.
1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
4. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement: friends of the clean air movement.
Word History: A friend is a lover, literally. The relationship between Latin amīcus "friend" and amō "I love" is clear, as is the relationship between Greek philos "friend" and phileō "I love." In English, though, we have to go back a millennium before we see the verb related to friend. At that time, frēond, the Old English word for "friend," was simply the present participle of the verb frēon, "to love." The Germanic root behind this verb is *frī-, which meant "to like, love, be friendly to." Closely linked to these concepts is that of "peace," and in fact Germanic made a noun from this root, *frithu-, meaning exactly that. Ultimately descended from this noun are the personal names Frederick, "peaceful ruler," and Siegfried, "victory peace." The root also shows up in the name of the Germanic deity Frigg, the goddess of love, who lives on today in the word Friday, "day of Frigg," from an ancient translation of Latin Veneris diēs, "day of Venus."
Friends who are in tune are the best in my book. Ones who can see you from a distance or hear your voice on the phone and know something is out of place or not o.k. Generally they will know how to listen and respond to help you feel cared for, heard, or appreciated. They may not solve and that may not be the reason for the interaction but you feel heard, understood, and connected as a result. You are noticed and not alone in the world.
There are those who call and those who wait for calls and then those who have a healthy balance of the two. For so long I've been one to call and now i'm at the other extreme end and need to move more to the center for a healthy balance.
Accepting what friends have to offer and expecting nothing more. It's challenging when friendships change and you are left wondering what to do with it. Where is this new road leading and how do I respond to the changes and fill my needs that are no longer being met? -And mind you in a healthy way. How does one adjust and continue with a friendship that is so drastically different when you feel indifferent about it at the moment?
So for now I leave this particular post for what it is. Thoughts upon thoughts, I am sure I will return to this one again. I am left with some interesting questions, some which are now answered and some of which aren't. If you have found answers to these for yourself, I'd love to hear your thoughts.
What does/has friendship and friend meant to you?
How have you found balance with friends/friendship?
How do you move on after being deeply hurt?
How are you vulnerable, honest, and close while still keeping a healthy distance/boundary?
How do you protect yourself from being hurt again without closing off?
